EMDR Therapy: When Understanding Isn’t Enough

What EMDR is, in plain words

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It was developed almost 40 years ago, in 1987, by an American psychologist, Francine Shapiro. She noticed something on a walk one day: when her eyes moved from side to side while she thought about something upsetting, the thought lost some of its charge.

From that observation came a structured therapy. In EMDR, we bring to mind an old memory, or an old belief you can't seem to get out of, while your attention follows a gentle left-right rhythm. That rhythm is called bilateral stimulation. It can be eye movements, tapping, or sounds.

Something happens when we combine the two. The memory gets reprocessed. You don't forget what happened. But it stops hurting the way it used to, and what you believe about yourself because of it starts to change.

Why understanding isn't always enough

For decades, talking was considered the best way to heal. And talking helps with so many things. But for many people, understanding and talking aren't enough on their own. The insight is there, and the feeling doesn't change. We also learned that going over painful experiences again and again, without the right support, can sometimes reopen the wound rather than heal it.

Here is how I explain it to my clients.

When you and I talk in a session, we talk from a place of calm. We're using the front part of the brain, the part that is grounded, rational and well anchored in the present. From there, you know that the past is over. You know, objectively, that you are not useless, or the least lovable person in the room, or to blame for what happened.

But that knowledge doesn't reach below the surface. The moment something you see, hear or feel reminds you of what happened, you feel and believe exactly what you did back then. Your reasonable mind simply isn't available to you in that moment. And the beliefs stay too. You can know you are not worthless and still make choices, every day, as if you were. You can't talk yourself out of it. It feels cemented in.

What I see in my office is people who are tired of understanding their problem perfectly and still feeling stuck in it.

EMDR works differently. It creates a bridge between your calm, rational mind and the part of you that still holds the old experience. It lowers the gate between them, so we can revisit the memory and the belief together, and they can settle into something wiser, kinder and more accurate.

Researchers still don't fully agree on exactly why the left-right movement has this effect. What we do know, after decades of studies and many thousands of clients, is that it works.

Before we touch any memory

We don't jump straight into the hard part. The first few sessions are about getting to know your story and making sure you feel safe.

First, we map what is happening now: the patterns you notice, the situations that trigger you, how they show up in your body and your relationships. Then we look at the backstory. Together, we pull the thread all the way back to the first time you remember feeling this way, or to when the difficult experience began.

Then we make sure you are well resourced. That means having supportive coping tools you can use during a session if things feel like too much, and after a session if you need them. Only once that support is in place do we begin, so the whole process stays gentle and safe.

What a reprocessing session looks like

Together, we choose a starting point: one memory, and the belief that goes with it. Say someone was in a car accident years ago, felt completely powerless, and still feels powerless in many areas of their life today. That memory and that belief become what I call the first scene of the movie.

I invite you to bring that scene to mind and to let the feelings, thoughts and sensations come. When you're ready, we start a set of bilateral movement. You follow my fingers moving left and right, or, if you prefer, you tap gently on your own lap or arms. Online, we use a website designed for EMDR that moves a light from left to right across your screen.

Each set lasts a minute or two. Then we stop, take a breath, and I ask what you notice. It could be a feeling, a sensation in your body, a thought, or a new memory. Whatever is there becomes our starting point for the next set.

We continue like this for about 35 to 40 minutes. You don't have to do anything special. We trust the process, the mind and the body, because they know how to reprocess these memories on their own. I gently support and redirect when needed, but it is usually a smooth process with very little interruption from me.

Before we finish, we always close carefully. We contain whatever has moved, and whatever hasn't had time to move yet, so you leave feeling as settled and safe as possible until next time.

Between sessions

Many people feel tired after an EMDR session and like to take it easy for a few hours, sometimes the rest of the day. Some notice vivid or unusual dreams the night or nights after. This is common, and it is part of your mind continuing the work. We talk about it together at the next session.